Grace...

Define Grace: in the dictionary,(google) grace was defined as poise, elegance, forgiveness, or a blessing. To me it is closer to the last two that I think about when I think about Grace. Forgiveness: I can usually forgive pretty easily, no matter what the circumstance. However there is one person that I have trouble forgiving. MYSELF. I can forgive friends for walking away when I felt I needed them most. I can forgive them when they give me ultimatums. I can forgive family when from when they turned their backs on me. I can forgive a multitude of sins from a man who proclaims to love me. But I just dont have the forgiveness in my heart for myself for allowing it to happen. Especially when I let it happen repeatedly. I have tried convincing myself that I was the reason for the heartache. My mom always told me that if a woman kept her man happy at home he would have no reason to stray. So in my mind over the last 8 months and 16 days, I have been trying to figure out what it was that I wasn't doing right. Why couldnt I make him happy? Why was he always looking for something new? I am learning that while yes I had my faults, it didnt matter what I had done. It would never be enough. No matter how much I wanted to be his forever, he had other things in mind. I am learning that no matter how hard I tried to fix it... It just couldn't be fixed. So in the end, I am now having to forgive myself for pushing so hard and failing. But if we don't fail we will never learn how to climb. Or at least that is what I keep telling myself. I seem to be good at failing in life. But everyday is a new day and it will only get better if I work on it and quit making excuses. Today I forgive me. Blessing: I am a firm believer that people are put into your life for a reason. They can be either a blessing or lesson. I would like to say the majority of the people that have crossed my path have been a combination of both.I just wish I could remember to hold on to the lessons. I seem to remember after the situation has past. I am so very grateful that God doesnt give up on us just because we didnt learn our lesson. I am thankful for his sustained Grace. I am blessed because it doesnt matter how long I have been gone or how far I strayed, He is always there with open arms and Amazing Grace. When my heart is overwhelmed, Lead me to the Rock that is higher than I. Psalm 61:2